This is the first in what will become a series of informative and, hopefully, entertaining dispatches to educate, inform, and guide readers through the murky straits of becoming WPR (and, once there, remaining WPR for as long as possible). If you have topics or questions you'd like to see covered in the future, please send them to firstname.lastname@example.org with the subject line WPR FAQ.
Okay, so let's get started:
Q: Uh, what the hell is "white people rich"?
A: First, it's White People Rich, thankyouverymuch. And I'll refer you to our helpful WPR primer for more detailed information. But for quick reference, let's define WPR as:
The state or mindset of being unconcerned with most issues of real import for the average person, caused by the presence or possession of an amount of wealth which a reasonable and prudent person would consider to be excessive.
Q: "white people"? what's this racist shizz all about??
A: To be clear: all evidence to date makes it clear that WPR is color-blind. Don't let the name fool you. You absolutely do NOT have to be white to be WPR. WPR is a state of mind, not a race or class or gender.
Q: Okay, so why do I want to be white...uh, I mean, White People Rich? What's in it for me?
A: Seriously? Wow, this may be harder than I thought...well, I'll answer your question with a question: when have you ever heard of someone having trouble because they were either too white or too rich? Or both?
Okay, you can stop laughing now. But yes, you're right...never. When you're WPR, you don't have 99 problems. You don't even have ONE problem. At least, not in the way that normal people define the word "problem". For example:
REAL PROBLEM: Having to choose on payday between buying all of the groceries you need for the next 2 weeks and being late on the rent, or paying the rent on time and having to make a week's worth of food stretch for two weeks.
FAKE PROBLEM: Having to choose on payday between buying an Xbox One at launch, sight unseen, or waiting until you've saved up enough money to buy the Xbox One and still pay the rent.
WPR PROBLEM: Having to figure out how to buy 3 Xbox Ones at launch, sight unseen, and still make it to the matinee showing of The Hunger Games: Catching Fire.
So, the advantages to being WPR should be obvious.
Q: Oh, uh...sure...I see now. But, um...what other advantages are there? I mean, I definitely get it now, but I'm...er, I'm asking for a friend.
A: You've got to find better friends. Sigh...okay, here's some other examples.
- When you're WPR, you can spend the majority of your time making lists of your enemies...and making those lists shorter.
- When you're WPR, you can sit around for hours doing unspeakable things -- in public -- and no one will ever tell you to stop or to move along.
- When you're WPR, you don't have to have any qualifications or intelligence whatsoever to become President of the Uni...oh, who am I kidding, that could NEVER happen.
Q: Okay, I think I'm starting to get it. And I guess I can see how this site can help me further. Any other advice?
A: Just this: if you think you've finally become WPR, keep going. It takes a LOT more money than you'd think to enter the pantheon of WPRness demonstrated by our founding fathers.
Until next time, remember to send in those questions to email@example.com.